if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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