I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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