I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
