My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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