He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
