True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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