I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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