so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
