oh god the rape fog is back!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
