...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
then he tried to convert me to islam
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
