can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize