Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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