goodnight i made you a song goodbye
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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