'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
bring money and cleavage
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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