i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
