something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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