My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
