I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
