Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
