Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
