Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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