Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
