Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
