I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
