He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Found the puke drawer
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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