I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
