yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
