High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
