i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
