He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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