Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
