Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
