i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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