i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She bit a glass in half.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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