i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
