if i can run in heels then i can drive
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
