I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
