ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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