girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
