I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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