So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
