So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
