I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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