He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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