the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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