Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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