This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
