Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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