my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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