After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
