Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
