I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need water and some morals
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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