Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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