Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
