I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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