i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
