sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
