my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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