The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
