why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How naked do you want me to be?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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