Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The air taste purple.
Randomize
